Where Has Esther's Homegirls Been?
Been Hiding. Doubting. Fighting. Resting. Plotting. Dreaming. Repeat.
It has been such a struggle to return back to Esther’s Homegirls. I have been doing some behind the scenes work with updating the site: fixing the logo, updating the resources tabs, creating a group, and overall making the site look cosmetically *cute. However during the midst of all these upgrades, the vision and mission for Esther’s Homegirls has been a bit amiss. I had lost it.
During this space and time, you may have seen some posts on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. It’s been hard to stay connected and stay obedient in navigating this space. I will be honest and say that I have been allowing the enemy's lies and tactics to deter me a bit. I was seeking out business coaching to get support and help however, I have found that having too many voices or suggestions have diluted the vision. So I said goodbye, unintentionally and have been working through it by being patient and still. Thankfully in those conversations and discussions with God, He reminded me of the vision that He gave me many years ago, and provided me with the wisdom that individuals could not assist me in the way that I was hoping. But at the core of it, to seek Him regarding this ministry because I was believing too many lies of the enemy: comparison, perfection, procrastination, and confusion.
What really prompted me to really write this post and be transparent is the video that has been following me for the past few weeks on YouTube: “3 Day Esther Water Fast | The Real Struggles of Water Fasting in God” by Morgan Tracy J. After avoiding it for some time, I finally watched it and it hit me. She described her feelings when she was experiencing a lack of motivation, feeling unsure if she was leading wrong or right, being scared, feeling like God was being silent as she asked for direction, and struggling mentally and internally. This has been me for the past few months hence why I have been making those background changes very slowly; avoiding putting out content out of fear. Morgan’s testimony made me realize that God is not asking for me to be perfect in leading this ministry or to even be perfect in ministry. Her testimony also made me realize that I need to just walk and do the things God wants me to do, and that’s walking by faith.
Here are a couple statements that Morgan made that I feel need to be highlighted and reminded as I continue along this journey:
“I think the Lord had to heal me of my idolness. My personal idolness: Me being so caught up in sometimes myself, and what I want, and my dreams, and what I want the ministry to look like, and where I want it to go… I have this vision of it that I believe God has given me but sometimes I think I be adding my own little sprinkles to it. So… one thing He has shown me is give it to Him; don’t just endure the ministry but enjoy the ministry.”
“I’m trying to break the ‘perfection’ place in you, and I’m trying to build up an ‘excellent spirit.’”
I would like to say thank you to Morgan for her transparency in ministry, which is something I think many other ministries should aspire to do, in wisdom. We need to break the myth that once we are saved then life is perfect and that being obedient and following Christ comes easy. Life is not easy or perfect with Christ, but having Christ gives direction on how to live life. I aim to now share as directed about this journey.
It has been a great pleasure writing this post. This is the most relaxed and tranquil I’ve felt in the past few weeks. Also, I personally want to thank you if you have gotten this far in the post. Thank you for still rocking with the gang as we grow and develop.
If you are interested in hearing more about Morgan’s experience, check out the video below. This blessed me so much and I pray that it blesses you as well.
“But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load.”